To the Over-Givers
& Over-Doers
who are Over It -
YOUR NEEDS
GET TO MATTER, TOO
-no pleasing, performing, or perfecting required-
You can prioritize and honor your needs
without undermining your relationships or your reputation.
Hi! I’m Allison & I’m a Self-Trust Coach
If you’ve lost track of your own needs and expectations in the process of centering everyone else’s, I’m here to help you break free from the Hamster Wheel of Doing.
Why Self-Trust?
Well, most over-givers & over-doers are exhausted, unfulfilled, and perhaps a little resentful, and yet, we worry that if we change how we are doing things, we will lose the sense of belonging and social standing our patterns of over-extending have earned us.
And truthfully, that makes sense.
Why Stopping Pleasing & Performing Requires Self-Trust
Here’s how I see it:
Over-extending is a really effective way to be seen, acknowledged, and appreciated because, let’s be honest:
Over-extenders get sh*t done.
We’re competent and reliable. We consistently go above & beyond to accommodate others’ preferences, exceed people’s wildest expectations, and over-deliver on creating the next best [fill in the blank].
And people like that (and we like that, too)!
We are admired, accomplished, respected, and valued.
We are also exhausted, resentful, and uncertain of who we are beyond our patterns of achieving and people-pleasing. We struggle to let go of being in control because we know our effort-ing will get results.
And this makes sense. Our nervous systems know that belonging is mission critical, and over-extending has worked pretty damn well towards getting approval so far.
& Our culture does us no favors:
Our society reinforces, benefits from, and rewards us for grinding and producing more. So we receive countless messages that suggest we are worthy of love not because of who we are, but because of what we do:
we’ll be enough if…
we’ll be worthy when....
And these conditions set the groundwork for over-extenders to go through real existential crises at the thought of slowing down and doing less.
This is the crossroads where I coach because my clients are asking:
Do I get back on the hamster wheel that is draining but familiar and externally praised?
Or do I trust myself to write a new rubric where my quality of life is based on honoring my physical and emotional limits, regardless of how other people perceive my choices?
Here’s why this work matters:
I believe in your radical Enough-ness: You are deeply worthy and you don’t have to prove, perfect, perform, or please others to make it so.
But when we live in a culture where our Enough-ness is always conditional and the goalposts are constantly moving:
claiming our worth is counter-culture work.
And to do it requires:
courage and commitment to learn new ways of being where your body is just as important as your mind; being is as important as doing; and feeling is as important as thinking.
an expanded awareness to lovingly untangle yourself from the conditioned voice of your inner critic, so that you no longer reach for punishment to coerce yourself to behave for others.
compassion and radical self-acceptance, so that you can release shame about how you’ve shown up in the past, and grow your capacity to establish new patterns to tend to yourself and your needs.
If you want to feel worthy of honoring your own needs and cultivate the self-trust that it is safe to do things differently, I would love to walk this journey with you.
What Clients Have to Say
"Historically, I have spent so much time in my head with my racing thoughts that it has been hard for me to slow down and connect to my body.
Allison meets people where they are at and equips you with tools that are a right fit for you. She creates a nurturing environment and asks just the right questions for me to access my own wisdom and come to my own revelations. I felt vulnerable to say things to myself that I would have been scared to say otherwise.
My internal voice is now at the center of my decision-making and I am able to stop myself from spiraling in old mental stories. I trust my reactions and decisions more because I have the tools to be in my body, slow down, and ground myself." - Molly M.
“Prior to working with Allison I was feeling indecisive around an important career decision. Not only was I feeling indecisive, but I was being critical of my inability to make a decision. I was viewing my indecision as a character flaw. It was an indication I wasn’t an assertive person and I didn’t have direction. How could I be in my late 30’s and not know what I wanted to do in my life?
Working with Allison helped me turn a corner. I made a decision that brought me peace and hope. A weight was lifted. Being less critical of my process freed up mental and emotional space, and I was able to gain the insights I’d hoped for all along.
Allison was warm, understanding, and met me on equal ground. I felt safe in her presence. Working with Allison led to some big shifts in my thinking. When the call ended, I was in a completely different place from where I began. That is a testament to Allison’s skill, grace and power.” —Mallorie W.
"Working with Allison is one of the first times in my life I truly felt my needs were centered.
I came to her because I struggled to communicate my needs and prioritize time for myself, which left me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, undervalued, and resentful. I really wanted to make choices that were authentic to me with less guilt and less worry about how other people would perceive me.
Each session, the tools Allison used help me get to the bottom of and shed old thinking. I trust myself and now believe access to my kindness and generosity needs to be earned and reciprocated. I am carving out more time for myself and I’m putting up with a lot less shit!" — Danielle W.
“My experience with Allison has been nothing short of life changing. She has truly helped me identify, align, and reconcile the parts of myself that I once thought were at odds with each other. Not only am I on my way to reaching my goals, but I have a new perspective on an issue I've been struggling with for years.” —Alix Z.C.
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